So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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