I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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