at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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