It's like God shit irony all over that family
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
