my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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