Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
id be glad to
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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