Pappa wants mamma naked
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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