Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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