Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
