i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
