Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize