please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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