I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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