No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
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This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much