you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type