So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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