A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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