HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
