Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
