Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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