i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
