So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
