just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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