Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
