Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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