Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
