How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
