Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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