you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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