Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
