apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
