sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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