Sry I called you an 8
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
