you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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