i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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