You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
