absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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