if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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