i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
