Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
