see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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