i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
