mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
