I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
