I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
