I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
