is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
