We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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