my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
