Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
