I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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