I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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