i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
