ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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