I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
