yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
