I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
