You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
