Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
