well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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